Two vs One
by Commander Heda
Summary: Heda/Lexa vs. Clarke and the ever growing feelings between them. Trigger Warnings: Posted at the beginning of each chapter.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Starts after The Mountain. I don't know if this should be a one-shot or a multi-chapter fic.**

 **Let me know how you feel? R &R Please!**

 **TRIGGER WARNING: Dark thoughts, slight self harm.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Everyone always said Lexa was emotionless. That she was ruthless and heartless. And Clarke had always agreed with them. Lexa had been ready to decimate the 100 and anyone who stood in her way along with them. Lexa had let the mountain men bomb TonDC. Lexa had betrayed her at The Mountain. Left her and her people for dead at the hands of monsters. Clarke had then thought Lexa was a monster as well. She still thought Lexa was a monster. Incapable of feeling anything. The Lexa who had done all of these horrible things started invading her nightmares and now she couldn't even look Lexa in the eyes.

She had been finding herself having nightmares and restless nights a lot more often so she resorted to nightly walks with Indra as her personal bodyguard. She was pretty sure she could handle herself, and plus Indra hated her but the Commander had ordered it and Indra would never defy an order. She didn't understand why Lexa wanted her protected now, she hadn't wanted it then on the mountain.

On her nightly walks she would bring a sketchbook and pencil and draw whatever seemed to calm her at the present time. Sometimes it was her best friend, Octavia, and her smile as she looked at Lincoln. Or sometimes it was just to get her demons out and she drew every person she could remember that she killed. But lately she drew Lexa. She drew Lexa's green eyes soft and open but full of fear like when they had kissed, or she drew LExa like she looked on the mountain; stone cold surrounded by blood and black warpaint with her "Commander face" up.

She usually perched herself in a tree overlooking a clearing not far from camp with Indra in the tree next to her. She was in a current sketch of drawing Lexa's eyes in more detail, showing her fear, honesty and most importantly love. But Clarke remembered she didn't have that anymore, Lexa had betrayed her after all.

Her head snapped up as she saw a figure moving towards them from camp and was about to say something to Indra when she noticed it was Lexa. She glanced at Indra who had a hard expression on her face. Why was Lexa out this time of night? Surely, the ruthless Commander didn't have trouble sleeping? She froze in shock as Lexa seemed to be undressing? No...she was just taking her armor off. She had thrown it around the clearing with a blank expression seeming to be in deep thought. Clarke bit her lip and tilted her head and was careful not to make movement or noise she watched Lexa closely.

Lexa couldn't sleep at all. Again. She was pretty sure she was the most restless Commander in all of history. Lexa had tried everything. She tried meditation, herbal tea, some of Nyko's remedies, exhausting herself in training during the day, reading, etc. but nothing seemed to work. She couldn't get away from her thoughts. And even in her thoughts she couldn't get Clarke out of them. Her thoughts and the lingering darkness in them had been growing stronger in recent months but especially since The Mountain. Since she betrayed Clarke.

Maybe if she just bedded other women that would take her mind away from the Sky Princess? Maybe it would exhaust her body enough? She sighed in frustration, she couldn't do that. That wouldn't be fair to anyone involved, and it wouldn't be fair to Clarke. She couldn't hurt Clarke anymore. She just needed to hit something, she needed to scream, her tent was becoming suffocating and she couldn't handle being alone without something to do.

She knew she had done what was needed. For her people. What was needed of her had started long before the Mountain, with Costia. And now it had progressed to Anya, Gustus, and now Clarke. Their faces seemed to join together in her nightmares, sometimes she swore she saw them when she was awake. Clarke was alive of course, and she saw her but she wanted to see the Clarke who looked at her like she used to. She had succeeded at the mountain but the cost seemed to be to big, she had lost everyone she loved. Because she had to be the Commander.

She had finally made it to the clearing, she started taking off pieces of her armor and throwing them half heartedly away from her until she was in nothing but a black tunic and leggings. She felt a little better without all of her armor on, sometimes she felt like it would suffocate her. She hated that feeling. Any feeling really, it made her feel weak and she couldn't be weak. She had to be strong, for her people...and herself. If she wasn't strong for herself she felt as if she would break into a million tiny pieces. She bit her lip as a surge of emotion welled up within her, her fear of being broken seemed to be trying to claw its way out.

Lexa could feel her arms starting to tingle with fear, her breathing became quicker. She squeezed her eyes shut and clasped her hands at her temples, pulling at her hair slightly. This couldn't be happening, she kept her emotions so in check. They wouldn't dare spill out, she couldn't let the darkness out. She felt her will power crumble as the anxiety overtook her body, she was shaking everywhere and couldn't hold back the sob that had built up in her chest.

She fell to her knees as she let out the first sob, it seemed like a dam had broken because then she couldn't stop. She pressed her lips tightly together to keep any sound form coming out. She couldn't let anyone from camp hear her, she couldn't be seen being this weak. She just couldn't help it though. She didn't really know what caused her tears to fall but she felt them roll down her cheeks and down onto the ground. She cursed silently and couldn't seem to control her actions as she punched the dirt in anger. She felt pain rush through her knuckles as they connected with a rock, she glanced down and noticed they had started to bleed slightly where the rock had cut them open. The pain felt..well kind of good, it distracted her from her emotions and that is all she wanted at the moment. She raised her hand and did it again and again and was going to continue until she heard a voice behind her.

It was Clarke. "Lexa! Stop!"

She froze in her actions and snapped her eyes up to meet Clarke's. She felt her eyes water even more as the tears threatened to spill over. "C-Clarke?" She whispered.

Lexa knew she didn't sound like the Commander. She didn't sound commanding and authoritative, she wasn't someone who was ruthless or heartless. She was just someone who was broken, who had been through so much death that they didn't even see the joy in life anymore.

Clarke nodded slowly toward her. She saw how broken and torn up Lexa was. She felt worry engulf her as she walked toward Lexa and knelt down beside her. _"Beja, Leksa."_

She slowly grabbed her hand to examine the damage, Lexa had probably broken a few fingers and sprained her wrist from hitting the ground so hard. She looked up to see broken green eyes, she realized this was Lexa. Lexa was the girl who had kissed her, and the girl who had watched over her after the Pauna, she was the girl who loved Costia, who had let her mercifully kill Finn. The Commander was the one who had left her at the mountain, the one who had let TonDC get bombed, the one who had betrayed her. They were two spirits battling in one girl.

Lexa nodded numbly as she looked back at Clarke, she wanted to tell her how sorry she was. She wished she could take it all back. She wished she could tell her she wouldn't choose that same way again, that they could've overcome the Mountain together. She felt her chest constrict at seeing Clarke, why couldn't she just end this life and have her spirit meet her in the next? She was sure they would meet again...she couldn't imagine any life without Clarke. She felt the tears spill over again as she sobbed and she leaned forward into Clarke. "I..I'm so sorry." She sobbed. "I didn't want to...I wanted to take it back the moment I saw your face." She cried shakily. "I hate myself for it, please...I'm sorry. Forgive me. I will do anything." She gasped as her breathing became harder to control.

Clarke grabbed Lexa's face and made her look into her eyes. Green met blue. "Leska. Breathe. In...Out." She said. She repeated the mantra until Lexa's breathing became stable.

 _"Au Medo Thonken."_ She whispered and paused, worry filled her eyes. She knew Clarke hated her why was she admitting such weakness to her? Why was she about to bear her soul to her? She bit her lip and sighed inwardly. Because right now, she was Lexa, and not The Commander. _"Ai na get raun, you mounon."_ She whimpered and looked sadly at Clarke. "I love you."

Clarke smiled softly as Lexa spoke in Trigedasleng. It was always nice to hear Lexa speak her native language, even if it sometimes took her a minute to translate. She didn't dare interrupt Lexa as she spoke so openly. _My body is hollow...I will atone for the mountain._ She hadn't needed to translate the last statement because Lexa not only said it in English, but her eyes spoke volumes. She was telling the truth, and Clarke knew that her choice on The Mountain had been more of a Commander decision instead of a Lexa one. It had been for her people. Clarke couldn't really be angry anymore because she would've done the same thing.

Clarke cupped Lexa's face and felt tears fill her eyes as well. _"Sha, Leksa."_ She mumbled as she pulled her into a hug. Knowing she needed this more than a kiss, knowing she needed physical contact to help with her dark thoughts. She knew Lexa had them, hell Clarke had had them at times to. _"Sha, Ai Hod yu in."_ She paused and looked up behind her to see Indra with what looked likes tears in her eyes, though if she valued her life she would never bring that up to anyone.

Indra had then helped Clarke carry Lexa back to her tent and get her into bed. Clarke wrapped LExa in a warm fur blanket before looking at Indra. "I trust this won't leave the three of us." She stated. Indra raised an eyebrow. _"Sha, Skai Praisa."_ She was about to step out before she paused. "She will need you in the coming days."

Clarke nodded as she watched Indra leave. Indra cared for Lexa and The Commander. Clarke smiled at Lexa's exhausted frame, she didn't want to leave but she couldn't stay uninvited in The Commander's tent. She was about to get up and leave when she felt a hand on her wrist pull her back down.

"Stay?" Lexa asked quietly while moving over to make room on the bed.

"Is that what you want?" Clarke asked. She was speaking to Lexa AND The Commander.

Lexa nodded firmly. "Sha, Klark." She knew Clarke was speaking to both sides of her.

Clarke climbed into bed beside her, and snuggled into her side. "Sleep, _Heda._ " She teased.

Lexa nodded and wrapped her arms around Clarke. She was going to show Clarke and everyone that she could be Lexa and The Commander.

She didn't have to tear herself in two.

And from now on she wasn't going to.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: SO last nights episode was awesome...don't insult Heda's wifey. Anyway, I hope you guys liked the last chapter. I decided to make this a multi-chapter fic because I am literally Clexa trash. Trash, I tell you.**

 **Some fluff and cuteness.**

 **Mainly to make up for what wil happen in Chapter 3.**

 **Italics are Trigedasleng.**

 **ALSO if you want to see more Clexa trash follow me on Tumblr at lesbianshiptrash.**

 _"Their blood is on your hands..."_ Faces of unknown Grounders flashed across the darkness _. "Even if we win, I'm afraid you won't be able to wash it off this time."_ An explosion...fire and smoke, screams rising from the smoke. Some screams were from fear and others pain. They kept ringing in her ears. It was almost deafening. This was all her fault, she could have warned them. But she didn't.

She let them burn.

Burn for what? What did they burn for?

Nothing.

She followed the path ahead of her to a now broken and rubble TonDC, the flames grew bigger and seemd to engulf everything in it's path. TonDC was now mostly a crater. She felt tears well up in her eyes as she surveyed the damage she had caused. All the blood spilt was her fault. She looked towards the path again and was startled when a she saw a little girl standing amidst the rubble. She shouldn't be standing there, it wasn't safe. She could save this one.

She ran forward still hearing screams of help and fear. "Hey, it'll be okay. I'll get you to a saf-" As the girl turned she was cut short. The little girl had burns all over her body, little drops of blood coming from her eyes, nose, mouth, and ears due to impact trauma.

The little girl stared with blank eyes. "You did this."

Clarke froze. "Wha-? No. Yo-"

The little girl cut her off. "YOU. You did this. You killed me." She smiled, and its lifelessness sent a chill through Clarke.

"No, please. I didn't mean to. I-..." She broke off as the girl started bleeding more steadily and her sobs overtook her. "Please..." She sobbed brokenly.

The little girl just shook her head and whispered. "Jus drein, jus draun."

Clarke covered her ears as the chanting from the little girl grew progressively louder until her eyes snapped open to see at least a hundred other Grounders surrounding her with the same dead eyes.

They all seemed to be coming closer, and closer. Hot tears rolled down her cheeks. "Stop. I'm sorry." She whimpered.

"Jus drein, Jus draun..." They chanted louder and closer. Almost engulfing her. "Clarke."

She shuddered and cried even harder. There was no getting out of this one, it was her fault after all. Now they even knew her name...

"JUS DREIN, JUS DRAUN." Closer...closer...

"Clarke!" A voice said louder this time. "Wake up!" Her body jerked as the little girl slammed against her.

"CLARKE."

Her eyes snapped open quickly. She shot out of bed almost knocking Lexa over in the process, her breathing was labored and she felt hot and sticky with sweat all over her. It was a nightmare, she realized. She glanced up at Lexa and saw that her green eyes were filled wih fear, she had never seen the blonde this way before.

Clarke cleared her throat nervously and shakily moved some threads of hair behind her ear. "I..uh. Sorry." She mumbled. She was so ashamed, no one had ever seen her having a nightmare before. But..no one had been nice enough to wake her up from one either.

Lexa had woken up just as the sun was rising, a usual occurence, and had started her usual routine. She had meditated at the foot of her bed, stretched her muscles for training later in the day, bathed, but instead of eating breakfast alone she had ordered servants to get it ready in an hour. She had wanted to eat with Clarke, they had much to discuss after all. But when she had gone back into her tent the blonde had been thrashing around in the blankets and tears had wet her cheeks.

Lexa had woken her up and almost gotten punched in the face. She should've known to be more careful, after all Indra sported a few bruises from waking her up. She was glad Clarke hadn't connected with her face though, anyone else who struck Heda ended up dead. It seemed only Clarke got away with everything.

Lexa kept her face stoic so Clarke wouldn't think she was judging her, she wasn't. How could she? After everything she went through and caused to Clarke? It was a wonder she was sane. Lexa felt her lips twitch up slightly, maybe she wasn't sane. She had said she didn love Heda after all.

"Clarke, breakfast is prepared." She stated and grabbed her shawl that was strewn across a chair. It was cold outside and she didn't want Clarke to get sick. Plus, seeing Clarke in her clothing wouldn't be the worst sight. "Here." She sternly held out the piece of clothing, leaving no room for argument.

Clarke raised an eyebrow after she had calmed down enough she noticed Lexa hand her a shawl type piece of clothing. Didn't The Commander eat in her tent?

"I thought you ate in here?" She asked.

Lexa licked her lips and tried not to show her anoyance. She wasn't good with surprises, she could keep secrets, yes. But surpises for Clarke? Apparently that was hard. "Come on." She huffed and walked out of her tent. The men who stood guard outside her tent bowed and murmured 'Heda.' She nodded respectfully back as she waited for Clarke.

 _"Is it prepared? The food? Horses?"_ She asked a nearby guard. He nodded in response with a bow. She turned to see her favorite blonde walking toward her, she felt her stomach churn in a good way that she hadn't felt since before The Mountain when they kissed, since Costia. She wondered if Costia would like Clarke? Or hate her because Lexa loved her? Or maybe she hated her because she loved Clarke?

Was Costia proud of her? Did she hate her for letting her die? Blame her? For not saving her? These thoughts constantly plaqued her.

It didn't really matter...she was dead.

Clarke stepped out as she saw Lexa talking to a guard, talking about food or something. God, she was hungry. She hadn't been eating a lot, she was pretty sure no one really noticed. She was usually thin but you could kind of see her ribs a bit. Her anxiety, depression, and guilt had literally been eating her it seemed.

She looked at Lexa who had begun walking toward her. She wanted to hug Lexa, let her know she was glad that she had opened up but a show of emotion like that especially from The Commander would be seen as weakness. She knew that was an important thing for Lexa so she resiste dthe urge but her lips still twitched upwards slightly.

Even though she was in love with Lexa, and they were doing whatever this thing was. She still didn't trust her, not yet at least. She was scared Lexa would do something like The Mountain again. Leave her behind. Leave her people behind. Or worse.

"Are you ready?" Lexa asked Clarke as her lips twitched. "What is amusing, Clarke of the Sky People?"

Clarke snorted slightly and bit her lips. "Nothing, Commander." She resisted rolling her eyes at Lexa's awful teasing. "Yes, I am. What are we doing, Lex-Commander?" She caught herself as they walked past a group of Grounders who were bowing in respect toward Lexa.

Lexa didn't answer, instead she led Clarke to a pair of horses and got on the white stallion who carried some packs. The other was presumably hers so she climbed on as well and this one had packs too. What were they packing so much for? Lexa addressed the guards. _"We will be gone for the day, perhaps longer. No disturbances unless life or death. And only then you send Indra. Understood?"_ The guards nodded hastily. " _Sha, Heda."_ They replied before giving eachother knowing looks as Wanheda and the Commander started off away from camp.

Now that they were away from camp, Clarke felt more comfortable adressing Lexa how she pleased. She grinned and sped her horse up so that she was beside Lexa. She poked Lexa's side and smirked. "Where are we going, Lex?" She playfully whined. She secretly loved pestering Lexa when she could, even though she rarely responded in the same manner. She did, just rarely.

Lexa kept her face stoic but secretly loved and was amused by Clarke's playful personality. She never really got to be playful, but she sometimes did it just for Clarke. "It is...a thing you do not need to know yet." She stated as if it was obvious.

"So...a surprise?" She squealed.

"Is that what it is called?"

Clarke huffed in annoyance as The Commander teased her again. "Are we going to eat soon?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

Lexa still remained stoic. "Yes, Clarke." She paused. "What do you wish to eat?"

Clarke wasn't sure if Lexa was teasing, if there was a double meaning in her words. She bit her lip to keep from blushing. "Well, whatever is available." She mumbled. Ugh, why was Lexa so hot? Stupid hot Grounders, and their good looks, and stupid teasing. She noticed she was staring at Lexa who was looking at her curiously.

Lexa snapped her eyes away from Clarke toward the sound of running water. She couldn't contain her grin as she led Clarke to her sort of secret place. Only three people knew about it; Costia, Anya, and Indra. Well, now four people knew. It was a small clearing a bit bigger than her Commanders tent laid next to a small stream, off to the side was a wall of rock containing a cave behind the small waterfall. She loved it here, she could be herself and relax. She hadn't done that in a long, long time.

She glanced in amusement at Clarke's awe strickent face. "The ground has pretty things too. I came here a lot when I first took command." She said as she got off her horse and started taking the saddle and packs off. Clarke nodded and grinned as Lexa seemed to relax at being here. She got off her horse and did the same as Lexa.

"So, food now?" She asked impatiently.

Lexa smiled softly at her and nodded. She quickly tied the horses to a nearby tree and then came back to one of the packs which she opened. She grabbed some furs from the first pack and spread them out on the grass, once she deemed it to be enough furs to keep Clarke warm she went to the next pack and pulled out what Clarke had been waiting for. Food. Clarke was sure she almost moaned at the sight, she hadn't eaten dinner last night and she was starving. She raised an eyebrow as Lexa pulled out what seemed to be all of her favorite foods. Was that an accident? Coincidence? She didn't care it was nice anyway.

"So this is a picnic?" She asked Lexa who had finished pulling out some dried deer meat, fresh strawberries and blackberries, and some freshly baked break she had made for Clarke that morning.

Lexa didn't know what a picnic was but she guessed it was what was happening now so she nodded slightly. "Yes, Octavia said that food is an acceptable 'first date' though I do not know what a date is. But she said it was something about romantic interests."

Clarke's head snapped up. "A date?" She squeaked. "What the hell?"

Lexa shifted slightly. No one else would notice but Clarke knew she was seriously uncomfortable now. Maybe this 'date' was a bad idea? Clarke was probably trying to calm her last night. That must be it. She was so stupid, of course Clarke didn't love her in that way. She would never love her romantically or in any way other than a great respect for a fellow leader. She felt her anxiety rise at Clarke's response to the 'date' idea. She was going to kill Octavia.

Clarke noticed the immediete shift in Lexa. She moved closer and sat down beside her before smiling softly and laying her hand on Lexa's. "Hey." She whispered and met Lexa's green eyes. "I've never been on a picnic or a date before, and I want my first to be with you. So stop over thinking, Commander." She teased.

Lexa blinked a few times before relaxing. "Oh." She breathed quietly. She hated this weird feeling she got in her stomach around Clarke now, she didn't feel like the confident Commander leader of the 13 clans. She felt like some _branwada_ who couldn't control her emotions, or hormones. She noticed Clarke was sitting very close to her. She glanced down to her lips before snapping them toward the food. "Didn't you say you were hungry?" She said slightly stiff with a barely noticeable shake in her voice.

Clarke bit her lip and nodded as she grabbed some of everything. She took a bit of the strawberry and moaned a little as the tart flavor rolled over her tongue. She noticed Lexa was staring at her lips and grinned mischiefiously. She held up the half eaten strawberry. "Want a bite?"

Lexa shifted visibly this time, she wanted to hit something in frustration. Stupid _Skai Praisa,_ with strawberries. "No." She said stiffly and avoided Clarke's gaze. She looked toward the small creek and followed it to where it deepened enough to swim. Did Clarke know how to swim? That didn't help with the feeling between her legs. God, Clarke swimming, nothing but water seperating them? Water drops running down her golden hair and face, down her throat towar-

"You sure?" Clarke teased and leaned closer as the Commander got even more uncomfortable. Maybe she'd finally break her stupid self control and kiss her again?

Lexa sighed quietly. This girl would be the death of her, she was sure of it. She didn't answer as she stood up. She watched Clarke shrug and eat another strawberry, she wondered if Clarke was teasing her on purpose or if it was just her mind.

Well, fine the Commander is the best strategist after all. Lexa walked backwards toward the water while making sure she looked Clarke in the eyes. "Do you swim?" She called as she got a little furthur away. She smirked as Clarke's eyes darkened to a very dark blue as she took off her shirt and pants until she had nothing on except her under garments.

Lexa knew she looked good, maybe not the most attractive but she was Hedaand with being Heda came confidence, she was also a warrior so she was toned and muscled in all the right places. She had tattoos covering most of her back, stomach and upper arms. Those didn't take away from her beauty though, she thought her scars seemed to though, some were deep and pink, while others were white across her olive toned skin.

She stepped into the water and raised an eyebrow at Clarke who had seemed to take this as a challenge and walked purposefully toward her while taking off her own clothing. She was beautiful as well, though in a different way than Lexa, she wasn't covered with as many scars and she didn't have any tattoos and where Lexa had her dark eyes and dark complextion Clarke was golden haired and fair skinned. But they didn't care about what anyone else thought, as long as the one standing in front of them liked what they saw that was all that mattered.

Clarke walked forward until only about an inch seperated herself and the Commander. "Yeah, I-" She shifted as she noticed Lexa's gaze. Lexa was looking her up and down without a care in the world. She smirked and she didn't even try to hide the fact that she was checking out the Commanders body, who wouldn't? She had to clench her jaw as she felt the start of desire in her stomach. She was fed up with this stupid teasing, she needed to kiss Lexa, to feel herself pressed against her. She looked at Lexa's lips as she breathed in slowly, trying to calm her stupid heart which was beating as if she had ran a marathon.

"Fuck it." She mumbled and grabbed the back of Lexa's neck and pulled her forward before kissing her softly. She pushed herself closer to Lexa as her fingers curled in her dark hair. This felt exactly like last time, little jolts of ellectricity seemed to course through her body. She pulled Lexa's bottom lip between both of hers and nibbled gently.

Lexa was really enjoying this. Finally Clarke kissed her, even though she was the Commander she sure as hell wasn't going to make the first move and risk losing the blonde. Lexa kissed Clarke back slowly and shivered as she felt Clarke's fingers tangle in her hair. She sighed softly as she took a calming breath. She didn't know how far to go, but apparently Clarke was in control.

She liked Clarke taking control. She would never admit that to Clarke ever, though. She gasped as Clarke pulled her bottom lip between her lips and bit gently. It took all of her self control not to moan, it wasn't the fact that it was sexual but it was so gentle and loving. Lexa cupped Clarke's face with one hand and laid her other hand on her hip, pulling her even closer if that were possible. She pulled away and kissed along Clarke's jawline toward her ear, she paused nervously before taking her earlobe gently into her mouth and sucking on it.

Clarke, however moaned quietly as Lexa sucked and bit from her ear and worked her way down her neck. She pulled Lexa toward her and kissed her lips chastely. "Lex." She whispered against the Commanders lips, they were slightly swollen and red. Clarke bit back a giggle.

Lexa sighed. "Hmm. Do you not want to continue kissing me, Clarke?" She asked in a slightly playful tone.

Clarke bit her lip. "I thought we were supposed to be swimming."

Lexa deadpanned so quick she wasn't entirely sure she hadn't had a seizure or something. She huffed. "Well, I-" She gasped and suppressed a moan of pain as she felt something pierce her side. She looked down and saw the point of an arrow sticking through her ribs, blood started to seep out of the wound. She looked up quickly at Clarke as she broke off the back end of the arrow. "The horses. Run." She snapped.

Clarke froze as grounders seemed to spring from the trees and pour into the clearing. "Lexa, you have to come." She pleaded. "Leave the arrow in, until I can look at it."

Lexa nodded as she snapped off the other end, she tried to stead her ragged breathing. Warriors were surrounding them from all sides, and Lexa had let her guard down. Her swords were laying across the clearing with the food and fur blankets. She silently cursed.

One of the grounders stepped forward and smashed the back of his axe into Clarke's head. Clarke dropped like dead weight to the floor. Lexa lunged toward him, ready to snap his neck with her bare fucking hands. _"Piece of shit."_ She snapped.

One warrior stepped through the rest, seeming to be the leader. He smirked at her and raised an eyebrow. "This is The Commander. And _Skai Praisa._ The Queen will be pleased."

Lexa growled and spit in his face. _"Azgeda scum."_ She screamed before she felt a strong force hit the back of her head, and she fell beside Clarke. Before she blacked out all she thought about was keeping Clarke safe, no matter what.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Guest Review: I'm sorry you didn't like it, but it has purpose with my plot line. (I'll make it up to you later.) ;)**

 **This Chapter is dedicated to Belle Morte Rising. :D**

 **I hope this story is going okay by the way, it will get better as I get more comfortable writing these two. 3**

 **I guess I should explain a bit. SO AHEM. This is after the Mountain, Clarke feels betrayed by Lexa and they each have their own demons, even though they are falling in love and they lust after one another that doesn't mean they trust each other. That will take work throughout different desciions in the story. Now about Lexa; in my story The Commander Spirit and Lexa's spirit are different and battle inside of her a lot, such as at the Mountain when she had to choose between Clarke and her people she chose her people and that was the Commander winning. The second chapter was all Lexa's spirit. BUT even though Lexa is seen as having problems and seen as broken by everything she has been through she is NOT weak. Her spirit is still at battle, trust me. Even little things are a battle for Lexa. Especially this chapter.**

 **Sorry got a bit excited talking about my fave gay babies. This chapter was a bit difficult to write. It's based on the song "All the King's Horses." by Karmina.**

 **TRIGGER WARNINGS: Graphic depictions of torture, Forced watching of torture, emotional torture and physical torture.**

* * *

How long had she been out? This was her first thought as Lexa woke up slowly, her years of training immedietly kicking in; she kept her eyes closed and her breathing even. Her immediete concern with herself was the severe pain coming form her ribs, the arrow wound, she remembered. She knew she probably had a head wound from being knocked out, and her arms were above her head, she could feel the roughness of rope so she was tied up, which explained the aching in her shoulders and arms.

She heard a rustle of movement immedietly to her right, close enough to attack with her legs. They hadn't thought to restrain her legs, how stupid of them. Her eyes shot open as she quickly moved her legs forward to gain momentum, she shot her legs our before kicking whatever had moved as hard as she could. She heard a curse and smirked, happy about her triumph before she saw a fist fly toward her face from another guard that she hadn't seen, it connected with her jaw sending a sharp crack throughout the room. She wasn't weak, she wasn't going to show how that had actually hurt. Did he fucking have rock for hands? She shook her head slightly, trying to fight the dizziness that was rising from her previous head wound and her now throbbing jaw.

She was in a well sized room with one exit; to her left, a steel door that was locked with a chain and guarded on this side by two guards on each side. With more guards on the other probably. She moved from the door to the wall she was facing and came to face a table with a bunch of straps connected to it: torture table. To her right, another table with an array of torture instruments; knives, branding tools, tubs of water, small bottles containing different sorts of liquids, etc. and in front of her an empty chair with straps. She stifled her fear and kept her face stoic as she realized there was a small puddle of bright red blood around the chair legs.

She was pretty sure they hadn't tortured her and her blood was black anyway, she didn't remember it if they did but then she realized something that sent a jolt of pure terror through her. Clarke wasn't with her, she wasn't in the room, wasn't close enough to Lexa or anywhere near her that she knew of. Dread coursed through her...what if...she was dead or being tortured? What if she ended up like Costia?

Her thoughts were cut off as she heard the clang of metal opening, and a chain sliding apart. Her head snapped up as she looked towards the door, she felt relief when she saw a flash of blonde hair. It was Clarke. She sighed softly, she was still alive, that's what mattered. But her happiness soon faded and became replaced with rage when she saw the state Clarke was in; Clarke was being drug inside the room by her arms, her legs limply following her. Her head hung limply down, she was almost naked, only wearing enough to cover her breasts and a pair of underwear. Her eyes were half closed and she seemed incoherent to what was going on around her. She finally moved her eyes to take in closer details of Clarke's body and had to fight down the urge to vomit; Clarke looked so different than the last time she had seen her. Clarke's hair had been chopped off, almost shaved. Her face was so badly beaten that her right eye was completely swollen shut, she also sported a bruise on her jaw and a broken nose. Her neck was covered with little red marks; injection sights, her ribs were covered in bruises some were probably even broken. They had only beaten her and probably sedated her to move her a few times, Clarke was a fighter and this was what gave Lexa a bit of strength.

Lexa had been so busy taking sight of Clarke that she just now noticed a man walk in and close the door behind him. He smirked cruelly to Lexa and nodded to the guards by the door who strapped Clarke down to the chair in front of her before leaving. "Alexandria, we haven't met, until now. My name is Argus." He paused as he walked toward the table full of torture weapons and leaned against it. "The Ice Queens favorite...ahh, interogator. And we want information." He said simply.

Lexa clenched her jaw and kept her face stoic. No matter the rage she was feeling, no matter how much she wanted to kill this man, she had to keep herself calm and in check. Emotions clouded her judgement, if she wanted to get them out alive she had to stay calm.

Argus sighed as Alexandria hadn't said anything to his statement. "Well, my scouts tell me this is your new little Costia. Maybe this one knows something? We tried a little bit but she won't say anything. Hasn't even screamed. Yet. She is feisty. I see why you like her."

Lexa merely raised an eyebrow, but on the inside everything was screaming at her to kill this Argus. But she couldn't. She was tied up, wounded, and weak from dehydration and lack of food. Even if she managed to get free and kill him she couldn't get Clarke out in her current state. They were also probably within the heart of the Azgeda Nation. Her mind was mulling over a million different scenarios when she saw him pick up a syringe. She stiffened slightly as he walked toward Clarke. Oh, if she got out of this...she was killing him first.

Argus was not a patient man, which is usually why his prisoners talked so quickly. It was also a plus that he enjoyed making others feel pain, he had no remorse for his deeds. He served his Queen without question. He sighed inpatiently as he pressed the syringe into the Blonde's neck causing her body to jolt. She would wake up within the next thirty seconds, he had had to sedate her due to her fits of struggle when moving rooms. He could see why Alexandria liked this one, she was feisty unlike his usual prisoners.

Lexa wanted to scream curse at Argus when he had injected Clarke with a strange liquid, she wanted to kill him slowly, wanted him to hurt for every scratch that adorned her body. Her rage almost boiled over but calmed when she noticed Clarke jolt and start to wake up. She felt a strange relief wash over her, seeing her unconcious was to much like death. She knew Clarke would be in pain when she was fully conscious, and they would probably take her to a seperate room and torture her but at least she was alive. Pain meant you were alive. Screams from torture meant you were still alive. And that is what she needed from Clarke at the moment.

"Now, Heda." He said sarcastically before he turned serious. He grabbed Clarke by what little hair she had left and forced her head to look at Lexa. "Your _Skai Praisa_ will not be harmed if you answer some questions. Understand?" He asked. Lexa just sent him a smothering look, Clarke wasn't _hers_ , she was a human being not a prize. She was someone Lexa loved though and the thought of her getting tortured sent a shot of pain through her chest. "Where are your Coalitions weakest fortifications? Warrior posistions? _Skai kru_ weaknesses?" He shot off question after question. Th Ice Queen wanted to know about the Coalition's weaknesses, who strongly supported Lexa, who didn't, who could be turned agaisnt each other, army posistions, etc. She was keeping these two for a while, she needed them to start the war, break the Coalition. And their two important leaders missing would do just that.

Argus smirked and nodded thoughtfully when she didn't answer. "Alright, we will begin then. I bet I can get her to scream this session." He seemed to mumble to himself as he walked over to the table and mulled over what to use. He picked up a pair of a knife before walking back toward the tied up blonde. He smirked internally as he saw the "Mighty Heda" squirm slightly, seems she didn't like his knife. To bad. "Last chance."

Lexa wanted to talk, to stop any pain from going to Clarke. But she couldn't give up her people's safety either. She squirmed slightly when he raised the knife to Clarkes upper arm and sliced slowly. The cut looked a little deep but not to serious, just enough to inflict maximum pain.

Clarke barely let out a hiss of pain as the blade sliced across her arm. She steeled her face, forcing it to remain impassive. She kept her eyes trained on Lexa, drawing strength from her. She was just as conflicted as Lexa. She wanted the pain to stop, didn't want to be tortured but she had seen glimpses of Lexa's people. Not everyone was a warrior, there were children, elders, women, disabled people, and she wouldn't let them get hurt because she couldn't handle a little pain. She was sure they only had to wait at least 24 hours before Indra had an anyerysm at their dissapearance and tracked them down. She could hold out that long, for Lexa.

Argus looked at Lexa with an expectant look. When he again recieved nothing but a blank look he raised his knife to slice just below the last cut. Again, Clarke made no noise. She gritted her teeth and kept her eyes locked on Lexa. Blue on green, it relaxed her and was sure would distract her when the torture became worse. She could tell Lexa was having an internal struggle with telling him the information, but she knew she could handle this.

Clarke kept her face firmly stoic as the next few cuts became deeper and longer, the blood had started dripping more steadily, it rolled from the top cut down her arm until it dripped onto the ground around the legs of the chair. She still hadn't made a sound though, she wasn't giving this piece of shit the satisfaction. Little did she know when he became impatient her pain became worse, and Argus was becoming impatient.

Argus clenched his jaw and glared at the _Skai Praisa_ , she hadn't made a sound. That was about to change. He quickly flipped the knife around and stabbed it into her hand, effectively pinning it to the chair arm. Lexa jerked in her chains and glared at Argus; if looks could kill...  
Clarke felt tears pool in her eyes as her hand exploded in pain, she whimpered slightly but that was the only sound she allowed to escape her mouth. Argus left the knife in and went to the table, growing even more impatient, either Lexa was going to answer or he would torture Clarke until she was dead.

Argus tried for the next two hours to get a sound out of Clarke or information from The Commander, but she only whimpered or moaned at his methods and Lexa had a never ending death stare from Hell. He was going to get the information, or the blonde was going to scream before the days session was over. He had tried almost everything; knives, water boarding, beating her cracked ribs, his usual methods didn't seem to work. He had a few more to choose from, he kenw these would definetly make the blonde scream. He grabbed his personal branding tool and called to the guards outside of the door. " _Bring a fire."_

He waited a few minutes and they brought a moveable fire pit, he nodded to them and placed the branding tool inside. This branding tool was his favorite because it spelled out his name; this caused his prisoners humilation at having to wear it and pain from the wound, along with having to have a scar for the rest of their life. He wrapped his hand in a few layers of cloth and picked up the tool; red hot and steamy.

Lexa felt her eyes widen at seeing the brand and what it spelled out. She had to bite her lip hard enough to draw blood and look away, she felt like she was going to vomit. She couldn't watch this one. Clarke would be humilated, scarred for life, and she would scream. She had to brace herself for that, she felt a few tears roll down her cheeks. She was causing this, she could stop this. She loved her, but here she was letting her be tortured to protect her people. She felt her mouth go dry, she felt her throat tighten and seemed to be so constricted that she couldn't breathe. All sounds seemed muffled until she glanced at Argus and saw him press the brand to Clarkes ribs.

Clarke couldn't take it after the first five seconds of the iron on her, but then she felt the hot brand being pushed even harder into her ribs and that seemed to push her over the edge. Her skin sizzled against the hot iron, and she finally gave Argus what he wanted. Argus grinned and looked smugly at Lexa before wrenching the knife from Clarke's hand where he had left it and walking out.

And Clarke finally, finally, screamed before passing out. Her head hang limply, her arm was still dripping blood, and her branding mark was steaming. Lexa started sobbing silently, she watched it all happen, and she couldn'do anything about it. And the worse part was she knew Argus would be back and would make it worse on Clarke until she either died or Lexa gave him an answer. She didn't know if she could give it to him, she didn't know what to do. Clarke was being physically being torn in two, but Lexa was being spiritually torn in two.

 _"Ge smak daun, gyon op nodotaim."_ She whispered to herself. That seemed like a stupid phrase, especially now when she and Clarke couldn't get up. They were just continuously down. _"Klark, Ai hod yu in."_ She said as quietly as possible when Clarke's eyes fluttered at the sound of her voice _. "Beja, Be strong."_


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Anyway, I am glad some people liked the last chapter. Got a few more followers and favorites. I'd appreciate more reviews. *hint hint* ;) Sorry it took so long to update, been busy with school. This chapter isn't that good as I've been busy with school but it is longer I hope I didn't dissapoint.**  
 **I keep forgetting this but...**  
 **DISCLAIMER: I own nothing and never will. No profit. Purely for fun.**  
 **TRIGGER WARNINGS: Physical and psychological torture, forced watching of said torture.**

* * *

Clarke's body felt like it was on fire, it had been on literal fire earlier that day but that wasn't the point. Everything hurt, and every part of her body screamed at her to do something, to make the pain go away. But she couldn't; for starters she was tied to a fucking chair. And she was to weak to go anywhere. Plus, she couldn't leave Lexa behind.

After about ten days she lost count of how long she had been there. She didn't care, she just wished she could die already. She hated Argus with every ounce of energy she could muster. She eventually tuned out the torture but soon, he would probably begin on Lexa.

Argus, speaking of that bastard, he had started a routine with the Commander and _Skai Praisa._ Every morning her would come into their room and ask Lexa the same questions; Where are the weakest military positions?, What are _Skaikru_ weaknesses?, Military strategies, etc. And every morning Lexa would meet his questions with stony silence. Argus would then pick between his many different torture methods and try to make Lexa answer his questions...she never did. She could tell he was usually a patient man but now he was slowly losing it. She dreaded hearing the scrape of metal against metal which meant he had entered their room.

Clarke flinched at the sound this morning as she bit her lip to keep her look of fear off her face. She wasn't sure how much more her body could take, she knew she looked like shit, hell she felt like shit. She knew her body was covered in deep gashes, some old and some new, she was covered in bruises and injection sites, and she had branding marks which spelled out ARGUS. He had started on her ribs and moved toward her back and was now making his way down her chest with his branding marks. Branding didn't hurt the worst, they were more of a mental torture, knowing she would have to carry his name with her everywhere she went. She would never be able to look at herself the same way again. He would always be there, taunting her, sneering at her, torturing her. She didn't feel pretty anymore, she wouldn't be able to make love with anyone ever again because they would see, and then they would ask and judge. Her eyes snapped up at the sound of Argus' footsteps walking toward her. She felt her lower lip tremble slightly as tears pricked at her eyes. She swallowed thickly and braced herself for the torture that would begin today.

Argus felt pride swell in his chest at the sight of the _Skai Praisa_ starting to break in front of him. Perhaps, she would break today. And with her broken, hopefully the Commander would break as well. He walked toward the table that held his torture instruments and picked up a pair of pliers, time to try something new. Today, he wasn't even going to bother with questions as he knew _Heda_ wouldn't answer them.

He placed his hand on Clarke's forehead and pushed her head back onto the chair. "Now, today is going to be fun. A few new things." He murmured to himself. He glanced at Clarke's tied wrists, they were raw and red now and would bleed later from her instinctive pulling away. He placed the pliers at the tip of her fingernail and raised an eyebrow at Lexa.

Lexa met his gaze with stony silence but she couldn't hide the look of pain in her eyes, getting your fingernails ripped off was excruciating. But she couldn't answer, she wanted to but she couldn't put her people in danger either. She knew they would be rescued soon, Indra would be looking everywhere for them. Then she would get her revenge, she would make sure he was tortured every day for months and months until his body finally gave out. He would not be given the rights of a funeral pyre. He didn't deserve it. His soul would wander, lost and empty for eternity. All because he had caused her love harm, because it was Clarke. She couldn't help but flinch at every scream that left Clarke's mouth, at the end of the day Clarke would scream herself hoarse and Lexa would give her words of encouragement, and tell her how sorry she was and how much she loved her. She didn't think Clarke believed her, or really that she cared, she was to busy trying not to die.

Clarke bit her lip so hard that she could taste the metallic tang of blood, she didn't want to lose her fingernails thank you, she enjoyed them and if he took those away she wouldn't have anything remotely pretty left on her body. He didn't give her any warning as he ripped the pliers away along with her fingernail, she screamed as pain shot from her finger tip through her finer and arm. She fought against her body's natural instinct to jerk away and shake. If she jerked her wrists would bleed and that would cause more pain, and shaking from the pain only showed how much it hurt to Argus. And she didn't want to show anymore weakness then she already had. She felt a few tears fall but once she locked her eyes with dark green ones she calmed slightly, Lexa always calmed her and whispered words of encouragement, words of love once Argus left. And they helped, they were the only reason she had stayed alive this long.

Argus smirked at the _Skai Praisa's_ scream, at the tears that fell. He placed the pliers on the next finger and pulled again, he didn't give her time to recover before he moved to the third finger and ripped off another fingernail. He was met with silence from Lexa once again, he threw the pliers down onto the table, and grabbed a knife before pushing into into Clarke's neck enough to leave a small line of blood.

"I have been patient, tell me or she dies." He said calmly. He was serious, the Queen had wanted this information days ago and he intended to get it. He was going to get it, he was going to kill the _Skai Praisa_ and start his work on the Commander.

Lexa felt her face contort in pure rage as he threatened Clarke's life. How dare he? Who the fuck did he think he was? Someone who was going to die in a very painful way soon. She locked eyes with him and could see he was serious, she felt her stomach tingle in fear and knowing. Her gut was telling her that he wasn't lying, he would really kill her. And she couldn't let that happen, not even for her people. Because if Clarke died, she would too. And without the Commander; the Coalition would die, without the Coalition, the people would die.

She swallowed thickly but kept her voice steady. "How do I know if I tell you, you won't kill her anyway?"

Argus narrowed his eyes. "You have my word as the Queens Royal Interrogator."

She scoffed. "Not good enough. You place a meeting; Indra and Oktavia kom Trikru meet us somewhere for her safety and then I will tell you anything and everything you need to know."

Argus raised an eyebrow. "How do I know you are telling the truth?"

" _I vow with Spirits as my witness, as the Commander of the 12 Clans, on my spirit, that if I lie I may be stripped of power and be put to death_." She stated coldly. She looked at Clarke as she lost consciousness and knew she had to do this, though she hated saying those words. A vow by Heda was the most revered and couldn't be broken because it was believed to be bound by the Spirits.

Argus pursed his lips and nodded once as he removed the knife from Clarke's throat. " _Sha."_ He opened the door _. "Send a messenger to Indra and Octavia Kom Trikru. Tell them we will meet where the Commander and her whore were taken from. The Skai Praisa will be safely returned and the Commander is returning that promise with one of her own."_

Argus nodded to the guards before whispering instructions to the guards and walking out. The guards cut Clarke's bondings and dragged her from the room leaving the Commander in a screaming rage. Lexa was furious, he promised the Clarke would be safe, why was she being taken away from her? She glared as the door opened and the guard came back. " _Heda_ , come with me to the _Skai Praisa_. If you fight, she will be harmed. Understood?"

Lexa nodded and watched as he untied her arms from above her head, her shoulders ached, and she probably had muscle damage from staying in the same position for so long. She rubbed her wrists and followed the guard down a long corridor to another room. "She is here." He said. "Argus wants you presentable."

Lexa raised an eyebrow and slowly opened the double doors in front of her, she couldn't contain her surprise as she walked into a room fit for royalty. Probably some room for Azgeda royalty. There was a mirror in the far corner with a small table adorned with makeup and warpaints, a dresser a little to the right of that, a small table with a couch in the middle of the room, and on the far side a huge bed covered with furs and pillows and...Clarke.

Clarke was starting to regain consciousness. Lexa ran over to Clarke and kneeled by her quietly. She brushed the hair out of her face as she blinked away tears. She was _Heda,_ and she can not show how much this hurt her. They would use it against her. She gently traced Clarke's face with her finger, she couldn't remember the last time her face wasn't covered in scars...all of these scars were her fault. She but her lip as she looked around for something to get clean with...She noticed an adjoinging room to theirs and walked over, she opened the door and looked inside to see a tub filled with water and a shelf with soaps and candles. She pursed her lips and looked at Clarke, she had to take care of her first, plus she didn't trust anything Azgeda gave them. She walked toward Clarke again who was trying to sit up.

"Clarke. We need to get you cleaned up." She whispered quietly as she took in the blonde's battered form.

Clarke smiled but it didn't quite reach her eyes. She nodded to Lexa but bit her lip as she debated whether she could stand or not. She shifted to the edge of the bed and braced herself as she pushed to stand up, she wobbled and was about to faceplant before she felt Lexa grab her gently but firmly. She looked up and met her eyes, and that was ll it took for her to burst into tears. She had wanted to be strong for herself and for Lexa, to not cry, to not show weakness, but she was just so tired, so done with everything.

"You...shou-...should've...l-let them...k-kill me." She sobbed quietly as Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke's waist. Lexa held her firmly for a minute without answering before she led her to the adjoining room and closed the door, there was no lock for obvious reasons they were still prisoners but at least the door gave them privacy.

"You know why I couldn't let that happen." Lexa stated quietly. She held Clarke's hands in-between her own. She had sacrificed her own life and that of her people's for hers... she was weak. Perhaps, her spirit would choose Clarke or she could see her in the City. She just knew they didn't fight for all of this for nothing. She cupped Clarke's face in her hands and smirked. "Who would eat all my stawberries?"

Clarke stared at her before chuckling slightly, she would gladly give up strawberries if she could just go back to that day, to that stupid date and maybe choose a different location. Maybe none of this would of happened. She knew Lexa was hiding something from her, she seemed to be more open, not verbally but her eyes said everything.

"Why couldn't you let that happen?" She asked.

Lexa looked at the tub before back at Clarke. She grabbed a cloth and dipped it into the water before starting to wipe gently at Clarke's face and neck. She was careful not to put to much pressure on her injuries but she did have to clean them. She inwardly sighed at Clarke's question, she knew it had been coming. She knew she didn't have to answer but this was Clarke and she wanted to answer she just wasn't sure how. She wasn't good with feelings.

"Because." She paused as she moved down to Clarke's arms. She wrung out the cloth and got more water. " _Au hod yu in._ You know that." She said.

Clarke grinned at that, even in really dark times Lexa still seemed to be able to bring some light into the situation. She was really surprised that she was comfortable with touch after all of the torture she had been through but she knew that this was Lexa and that she would never hurt her, and that she was probably still in shock. She would probably have a huge breakdown later. She had seen it happen with all of her friends, and even Lexa on the night they had started to reconnect. She leaned forward and kissed her cheek. "I love you too." She whispered.

Lexa nodded and moved down to Clarke's ribs, she slowly raised up Clarke's shirt and swallowed at the name branded on her skin. It made her sick to her stomach and she silently promised that Argus was going to die. Slowly and painfully. She raised up the cloth in question and when Clarke nodded her head she started cleaning her wounds on her ribs.

"Hopefully, we will get through this..." She mumbled. "We can...go to Polis, we can recover there and be happy..." She knew this wasn't true...she was going to die soon, she was going to die and leave Clarke alone, but safe. They wouldn't be together this lifetime. She was just saying what she wanted.

"I'd like that. I'll hold you to that offer." She promised and ran her hand through Lexa's hair. "We deserve it. You deserve it."

Lexa didn't really know what to say to that. She wrung out the cloth and moved to Clarke's legs, she washed over the cuts and gashes softly making sure to get the grime out. She finished and threw the cloth in the tub. The water had moved from clear to a dark brown color. She sighed, she was exhausted and just wanted to sleep for a million years, but she was Heda and didn't have that luxury. Instead, she could keep watch over Clarke while she got to sleep. And that was a second best, making sure Clarke was safe. She grabbed her hand and led her out of the small bathroom and into the bedroom.

"Sleep, now. I have a feeling tomorrow will be long." She said softly as she tucked the furs in around Clarke.

Clarke had wanted to talk to Lexa, to ask what was wrong, why she had looked like her world had ended, but she had been so exhausted that she had fallen asleep before she could utter a word.

Lexa smiled at Clarke before laying on top of the furs and curling her body around Clarke. She wrapped an arm around her waist and made sure their backs were against the wall and that she had the best vantage point of the room. She ran her hand in circles on Clarke's stomach as the blonde slept, she would make sure Clarke was safe. As best she was could, until she wasn't breathing. Which according to Argus was probably going to be soon.


	5. Chapter 5

This work along with all others has been moved to archiveofourown, my username their is smolgayheda. Hope to see you guys there. :D


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